When Being Good Becomes Heavy

PRATIMA SHARMA

Have you ever been inside a bubble where you are to make a decision, where you know the right answer to the situation, yet you hesitate and choose the other one, taking into account the discomfort it might create for someone else in your life?

Not all cages are visible. We grow comfortable in the limitations we hold for ourselves through our own conditioning. A child who grows up in avoidant or anxious family patterns often develops a belief system where being kind equals being agreeable. Likewise, many of us learn early that being “good” means being accommodating. Saying yes becomes a habit, and approval begins to feel like safety.

At times, we sideline our own capacity to hold someone else’s emotions and, in doing so, drown ourselves feeling completely exhausted and tired. Where does this come from? We may seem like entirely different people elsewhere, filled with positivity, energy, and the enthusiasm to do something meaningful. Yet certain places and environments make us dull, because we condition ourselves to believe that softness lies in saying yes to everything that comes our way through over-explaining, people-pleasing, and remaining in survival mode. There is always an inner conflict, making us restless in the subconscious level. 

There are people who are intensely empathetic, sensitive, and capable of reading the room, holding space for others with ease. But we must be gentle with ourselves first, without losing ourselves in the process. No matter what, it is not our responsibility to carry how others feel. We can be present for them; we can be part of healing but not the carrier of it.

The mind keeps count of what the self keeps giving up. Therefore, boundaries are essential, not limited to professionalism, but necessary in every sphere of life. Emotional boundaries are often misunderstood as distance, when in reality they are a process of being honest with our inner selves. Choosing ourselves often comes with guilt. The first few no’s feel heavier than expected, but that is how we slowly come closer to ourselves. 

In many forms of bonds, we stay longer than we should, emotionally, relationally, mentally. Not because we are weak, but because we value meaning over comfort. The next time, ask yourself; If I stay, what part of me will I abandon? Kindness does not have to cost us our peace. The gentlest act is choosing ourselves without apology. 

(Pratima Sharma is a practicing counsellor with a Master’s degree in Psychology. She has prior experience in journalism and is also engaged in poetry and storytelling. She was one of the editors and compilers for the 6th edition of "A Tribute to Aadi Kavi" and has hosted the digital poetry show "Kavyako Rang" which signifies the colours of poetry. Email: xrmapratima123@gmail.com)