Sunday, Nov 24, 2024 22:45 [IST]
Last Update: Saturday, Nov 23, 2024 17:06 [IST]
I
grew up under the care of my grandfather until I turned fourteen. I then
decided to run away with my friend to Madras, India. Of course, I felt sad
leaving behind my grandfather but the prospects of new things lured me into
making that decision. I started to work for a living. It was a clothing store
at Parth: Saram-Puram of Madras. I worked here, guided by my grandfather's
principles that stressed on honesty. The shop where I worked was run by three
family members: The owner, his wife, and their daughter, Ishita. The owner held
a special fondness for both me and Ishita. We were the same age. I was just a
worker in the shop, and I never dared to compare myself with the owner's
daughter in terms of looks or status. Ishita looked younger than me just two
years back, and now she has grown into a woman, a beautiful woman nonetheless.
I
used to work in the shop most of the time, but sometimes I had to visit the
owner's house to drop off or fetch things. I went there for the sole purpose of
work, but sometimes I received intimate vibes from Ishita, especially when her
mother was not at home. Seeing her approaching me, my heart beat faster, my
hands trembled and a surge of emotions coursed through my body. Despite these
emotions, I consistently endeavored to keep her at a distance from me.
A
similar incident occurred one fine morning when my boss once again sent me his
home to receive some documents. As I opened the gate and made my way inside,
Ishita suddenly came running towards me, hugged me, and took me by surprise. I
was taken aback by her unexpected gesture, feeling a sense of panic. At that
moment, I realized that such situations might become difficult to avoid in the
future. Given the disciplined principles instilled by my grandfather, “Never deceit, Never steal”, I couldn't
allow any compromise on mine, his or her reputation, I then gently pushed her
away, promptly returned to the shop, and handed over the documents to my boss.
I couldn't get over the situation so I went to my boss and asked him for a few
days of leave. I successfully persuaded my boss to grant me a few days of
leave, which he did without objection.
As
I was preparing to leave, my boss approached me and said, "If you don't
want to work here, you may work in Phoolbari, Patna, where I have another shop.
Do you?" Without hesitation, I went directly to the address given by my
boss. Upon arrival, I discovered a shop of the same type called "Aanchal
Cloth Shop". As I gazed at the shop, a familiar voice called to me from behind.
It was my friend Shaane. He asked me, “Do you recognize me?” then he quickly
answered his question saying, “I am Shaane”.
And,
this is me- Jiwan Jimi Rai. My story unfolded in 2057 B.S. when, at the tender age
of five, my grandfather brought me from Sankhuwasabha to Dharan. Learning that
my father had passed away, and my mother had eloped, marked my early awareness
of the world. My ancestral home was in Chaputa, Tamku VDC -3, Khadabari,
Sankhuwasabha. In Dharan, we resided in Purano-Bazar, where my grandfather
worked as a rickshaw driver. Over almost nine years, we kept moving to various
places in Purano-Bazar, Bajha-Gara and Bich-Ghopa of Dharan. During my
childhood, I had many friends- Saane at Purano-Bazar, Pandey at Bajha-Gara and
Mashine at Bich-Ghopa. With each change of place, my circle of friends evolved.
While
I didn't have the opportunity for formal education in school, life itself
became my teacher, imparting lessons wherever I went.
Shaane,
my friend with whom I ventured to Madras at the age of fourteen, shares a
significant part of my journey. As I reflected on my past, Shaane asked me, 'Do
you want to go to Nepal?' Without consulting anyone, I accompanied Shaane back
to Nepal. He had established a home in Udaypur.
Upon
our arrival in Udaypur, the next morning, Shaane took me to the B.P. Koirala
Institute of Health Sciences. Puzzled, I asked him, 'Why are we here?' He
replied, 'You have an appointment and follow-up with the doctor.' Assuming I
was in good health, I thought, 'Nothing wrong has happened to me.'
Shaane
directed me to the psychiatric department. After a few hours, it was our turn,
and we entered the doctor's chamber. The doctor greeted me, saying, 'How are
you, Jiwan?' Confused, I wondered how the doctor knew my name and why Shaane
had brought me the doctor.
“You
are nearly ninety percent recovered," the doctor explained. "You had
experienced a condition known as 'dissociative fugue,' where individuals tend
to forget their actions, words, and various incidents over different periods of
their lives." "Luckily, you have a compassionate brother who took
excellent care of you," the doctor added. "You are free to go."
Leaving the doctor's office, I felt a sense of surprise and confusion. Shaane
revealed everything to me – he was my true brother. I could see all my friends
in one Shaane.
Returning
to Udaypur, where our grandfather had initially brought us from Dharan,
memories of suffering from Dissociative Fugue surfaced. It was nearly sunset
when we arrived in Udaypur.
Curious
about Ishita and the cloth shops, Shaane explained that Ishita is his
sister-in-law and my wife. I discovered that I had been living as a
house-husband, the boss and his wife at my first shop were my father-in-law and
mother-in-law. Aanchal Cloth Shop turned out to be a branch of our shop.
Shaane
shared many details with me and handed me medication. Reading the drug's name, "Fluoxetine."
As the night deepened, I took medicine and gobbled a pill with water, then lay
in bed, deep in thoughts about this dementia with which I was spending my life.
I contemplated the new lifestyle ahead of me, now free from fugue.
And,
the journey of living continues…
